the question is, indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. Please criticize it and tell me what you think or ways to make it better. Also does anyone know of any website that specializes in posting college essays to get feed backs.
1.Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.†As a young boy I did not completely grasp the sacrifice that my parents made for me in order to have a better life. What would it take for someone to give up everything they know; to risk never being with or seeing family or friends again? When I asked my parents how they were able to do this, they responded with one word, “faith.†Faith guided my parents to emigrate from their homeland to a new country that they knew nothing about. The many obstacles that I have faced throughout this journey have helped me to define myself as the person I am today.
2.On the plane that would bring us from Ecuador to America is where the first obstacle presented itself. Communication is something most people take for granted in their everyday lives. On the plane that day, I was not able to order a drink or even decide what I wanted to eat. Learning a new language proved to be a struggle that I would have to overcome. Since it was harder for my parents then me to learn the English language they depended on me to translate for them. Day after day I pushed myself to learn as much as I could with out giving up until I had mastered a number of words a day. Even today whether its accomplishing something I have never done before on the baseball field or reaching new heights in the academic realm such as learning French, I refuse to give up until I have achieved my goal. This determination that was instilled in me at an early age has motivated me to accomplish any feat that I have encounter in life.
3.The day after we arrived my parents had to start looking for a job. My dad worked at Dunkin Donuts in the morning, washed dishes in the afternoon at a small café, and at nights bussed tables at a restaurant. My mom found a back breaking job cleaning houses with my aunt. As a kid I did not see much of my parents during the day. But always reminding me I was the most important thing in their lives, they would never miss a sporting or school event. They said watching me excel was what gave them the strength to persevere. After a couple of years, all their hard work finally paid off. My parents saved enough money to buy that small café where my dad started out washing dishes. That same hard work is reflected in the things I do such as tutoring, school, and sports. Over the years I have seen my parents work ethics open up opportunities that we thought would never be possible.
4.The work and sacrifices of my parents have truly changed my life, a memory I will always have is returning to Ecuador for the first time since I left. The first place my parents wanted to see was the apartment we had once lived in. As I opened the door and gazed around the astonishingly small apartment I understood why. At that moment I had an epiphany, I realized how far two immigrants and their son had really come, how much their sacrifices and hard work had paid off. After seeing where I came from and what I have become, I now know that no dream is impossible to pursue. To most people the American Dream is to become rich and famous. I am neither of the two, yet I still feel like I have been able to attain it. Having the possibility to go to college and become anything I want is the true American dream. The United States has given me the opportunity I need and my parents have provided me with the character I need to succeed. The staircase has been laid out for me, now it is my turn to take that first step into my future.
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thats a good story of your family how they become successfull in life.
this is very bad.
Very good job, I think you presented yourself well, and made it very interesting. I would add some minor additions though, such as some more solid examples of how your parents had an effect on you. Also, I believe the question asks about a person, not people, so I’m not sure wether or not that will be taken seriously by admissions officers, but just in case you may want to write about one of your parents’ and go into detail about them. You can use this website to submit your essay, http://www.admissionsessays.com/, and have a professional read it and edit it. Good luck getting in!
I have three comments.
First — did you actually answer the question and indicate a person who had an influence on you? It doesn’t seem like it was Martin Luther King — but that was the expectation I had after reading the first sentence.
Second — I’d change the line “from Ecuador to America” to “from Ecuador to the United States” for the simple reason that Ecuador is in America.
Third — I would refer to your parents as “my mother” and “my father” rather than as “my mom” and “my dad.”
Good luck