Comments on: College Essay Help! Please Tell Me What You Honestly Think?

By: nilen

nilen — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 00:01:11 +0000

thats a good story of your family how they become successfull in life.

By: aray762

aray762 — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:50:07 +0000

Very good job, I think you presented yourself well, and made it very interesting. I would add some minor additions though, such as some more solid examples of how your parents had an effect on you. Also, I believe the question asks about a person, not people, so I’m not sure wether or not that will be taken seriously by admissions officers, but just in case you may want to write about one of your parents’ and go into detail about them. You can use this website to submit your essay, http://www.admissionsessays.com/, and have a professional read it and edit it. Good luck getting in!

By: Merriam Webster

Merriam Webster — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:50:07 +0000

this is very bad.

By: Ranto

Ranto — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:50:06 +0000

I have three comments.
First — did you actually answer the question and indicate a person who had an influence on you? It doesn’t seem like it was Martin Luther King — but that was the expectation I had after reading the first sentence.
Second — I’d change the line “from Ecuador to America” to “from Ecuador to the United States” for the simple reason that Ecuador is in America.
Third — I would refer to your parents as “my mother” and “my father” rather than as “my mom” and “my dad.”
Good luck